So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
