I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
