best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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