i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
