i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm like, not good at living.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
