how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
