the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
