the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
