All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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