Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
