is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
