Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
