I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
There r osticjed everywhere
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
