ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
