The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
