So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He passed out mid-signature
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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