Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
