Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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