come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
