You're completely useless in the revolution.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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