yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
ok first of all what the fuck
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
