I am spending my child support on dildos
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
