the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
