All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
