Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
