defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
