Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
