WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
