Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Let's get the cat blown out
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
