Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
