You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Green mimosas i think yes
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
