i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
