So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
