Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
