First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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