3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
