are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
