I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
