Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
