There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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