Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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