He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
