Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
