1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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