yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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