I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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