you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
