i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Too much gin, very little bucket
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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