OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
my liver is dry heaving
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
