life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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