I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just google imaged poop.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
