I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
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