I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
