Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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