My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
