Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
