I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
