i was born a porn star she said
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
