I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
